Self Realizations

So, obviously I posted my last post way later than I meant to. There are lots of reasons for that, and I've figured at least some of them out. I've come to understand a lot more about what this trip has been doing to me lately. It's taken a few meltdowns, but if a few meltdowns is all that I need to do to find personal growth, then I think it's totally worth it.

Last night, I discovered a new fear within me, that I never expected to truly experience. It's a fear of being alone. And a fear of disappointing myself and others. I always understood that it was a possibility and a common fear, well that both were. But I always considered myself above such fears. After all, mom raised me to be a strong and independent woman. So, being alone and disappointing others shouldn't matter. But I've been disappointing myself too.

Since arriving in Pisa, well really in Paris, I haven't been taking full advantage of this opportunity. I've been sitting around for way more of every day than I should, or want to, and it's taken me until now to really figure out that I'm afraid of being alone. Not to mention I'm not at all used to being alone. Every time I've traveled in the past, it's either been mom and me or a group of students, with at least a handful of us sticking together the whole time. So, I'm working on getting myself going more. Not for my project, but just to see everything I can and experience everything I can. And my lack of going out and about has contributed to my lack of blogging, because I've been embarrassed over how little I've really done.

But no more. Now I'm doing stuff. Which is kinda funny, because as of this afternoon, most of my doing stuff, really doing stuff, has ended up with me just hanging out at my hostel. But I'm actually accomplishing things, don't be fooled.

Now for a bit of humor from last night...I'm staying in a co-ed room, with 6 main beds, but up to 8 beds. I was skyping with my mom, like I do just about every day. All of a sudden she goes, "Is that guy wearing his underwear?" I turn around, and on one of the other top bunks is one of the guys from New Zealand in his underwear! So I'm like "Yes" and we move on. Then, a few minutes later, the guy on the bunk below me is standing and walking around or whatever, and out of the corner of my eye I see him. I swore he was naked, so of course I did a double take. He was wearing red briefs! Like the whitey-tighty style briefs! Oh my word! It was everything I could do to keep from bursting out laughing!

Well there you are. More adventures will be coming soon. In the mean time, I'm doing daily errand for today! Ciao!